Talking Tough Topics

 

I know it’s been awhile since I have written here. I guess I should start by saying, HI! I really do have a good reason for neglecting my blog, I promise. I’ve been busy working on a really awesome project, that I am very proud of!

In my professional life, I am the Provincial Manager for an amazing Not-For-Profit/Charity program called Life With a Baby. “Life With A Baby” is a program offered by Healthy Start, Healthy Future, a not-for-profit organization whose goal is to provide ongoing practical and emotional peer-based support for new and expecting parents, and parents of children up to the age of six. We offer informational seminars and programs, open forums, and fun social events.

About 6 weeks ago, I learned that the community I grew up in, lost a little girl named Aja Chandler, to a dangerous game that children are playing, called the choking game. My heart broke for this family. No parent should ever have to lose a child, especially to something like this. I was shocked to learn that children as young as 6 years old are playing this game. I have a 2.5 year old, a 5 year old and a 7 year old. It really got me thinking. How could I help raise awareness for this and other things that our children are being exposed to, and possibly help parents deal with these situations before they happen?

I contacted one of my friends who I knew shared similar passions in her personal life and we got chatting. Shortly after that, Talking Tough Topics was born. Together the two of us have created an amazing partnership with Life With a Baby and Team Goran, pooled our resources, recruited Windsor’s leading parenting experts, Win Harwood and Heather Chauvin, and we are getting ready to launch this event this coming Monday night! The response in our community and beyond has been so great, that we have even opened the event up to people who are not local, and would like to participate viewing a live feed.

 

If you would like more information about this event, please visit www.TalkingToughTopics.com. Most importantly, please pass this information along to all of your friends and family who are parents, grandparents, teachers or caregivers. Together we can raise awareness for not only the choking game, but how technology is constantly changing, and how we as parents can keep up and keep our children safe.

 

Someone Is Watching

Have you ever been somewhere, where someone did something awesome, which left its image ingrained in your head for what will likely be forever? This week, that happened to me. My original plan for today’s post was a total photo bomb from my night out at the Daughtry/3 Doors Down Concert. I was going to show everyone, the smiles and fun we were having, even in the bitter cold. The pictures of my friend and I letting go of our busy lives for a night, forgetting work and Mom duties for just a few hours, and let ourselves be silly and act like star struck teenagers. Those pictures we took? I will have forever, but the memory of what was likely an insignificant gesture to one man, likely meant the world to another.

Wednesday night after the show, my friend and I were pretty fortunate have the opportunity to meet the guys from Daughtry. (In case you haven’t heard, I kind of like them.) Each and every man in the band took the time to come out and chat with people hanging around. Not just sign autographs, but ask how the show was and thank their fans. They talked to people like they had known them for years. In the world of Rock and Roll, I would definitely say they hold themselves to a pretty high standard of class and humility.

Everyone had met with Robin Diaz, Brian Craddock, New Guy Andy Waldeck, and Elvio Fernandes (Heck, Elvio was locked in and tried to scaled a fence to chat with people!). It was taking a while for Josh Steely and Chris Daughtry to come outside. A little while later the fans were greeted by the bright smile of Josh. He quickly apologized for taking so long; he was having Face Time with his boys before they went to bed, who are back home in California. Clearly, no apologies needed. Josh made his rounds and made sure to give equal attention to everyone who stayed. (More on Mr. Daughtry another time :))

If you are familiar with the Detroit area, you will know, like in any big city, there is an abundance of homeless men and women. It is pretty common to see panhandlers in the streets, asking for any spare change you may have, telling their story, as to why they need money, and what they are going to do with it. It is also not uncommon for passers-by to ignore and even fear these people. While the majority of us feel sorry for these human beings, we are often still not prone to even acknowledge their existence. We have explained to our children, what being homeless means, and even stop on occasion to give a money to people on the side of the road, with ‘Will Work For Food” signs, because my son asks us to. He’s 7. However, I would say, the majority of time, I shuffle by these people in need, without even glancing their way, telling myself not to make eye contact. Sometimes, I will give some change I have, and then walk away quickly. I am not sure why, possibly habit?

As we were milling about, a homeless fellow made his way over to us. He explained to us that he wanted to get a room for the night, but only had fifty cents. No one paid much attention to him, and everyone was quick to say they had no change. Myself included. I am quite sure that this man had no clue who Josh Steely was, as he approached him. The homeless man explained his situation to Steely. Josh didn’t hesitate to grab his wallet. He talked to the man just like he was anyone else who was standing there, and listened to him. He listened. He handed the man an unknown denomination of money, (not just spare change), and continued his conversation. He urged the man to get a room for the night and get warm. He encouraged him to get something substantial to eat and then take a long hot bath. He introduced himself to the man and then hugged him, as if they were long-lost friends. This, to me was unbelievable. Josh could have easily handed this man a dollar and told him to be on his way. But, he didn’t. He gave the man time, and sincerely listened. He likely knew that this man was not approaching him because he is a celebrity; he probably presumed that the man really had no clue, nor did he care. During this exchange, I was so awe-struck and tempted to take pictures. I witnessed something truly incredible. I mulled it over and realized that the memory of this exchange left more of an impression in my mind, than a picture ever would have. The kindness and compassion that Steely showed was truly extraordinary.

Over the last couple weeks, I have been feeling rather ‘Grinchy’ about the Christmas Season. My focus has been solely on all that I have to do and buy (andI have3 been annoyed by it all). I have been consumed by how I am going to get everything done, and how busy the next month is going to be. I was irritated with the thought of even having to get a Christmas Tree. It was feeling like it was a mandatory routine that I am going through for my children, as opposed to feeling like these things were traditions that I enjoy. Last night I remembered, it is things like what Steely did that Christmas is supposed to be about. We often get so lost in the commerciality of the big event, that the spirit of what Christmas about is often lost. My faith in humanity and my Christmas spirit was most certainly restored, witnessing something as simple as someone taking time. It wasn’t all about money, it was about kindness.

I have a simple challenge for you this Holiday season. Put Religion and differences of opinion aside and be thoughtful. Listen to each other. Put your phones and computers away and just listen. You are probably missing something so important that someone, likely your child, is saying to you. Or, even if it’s not important to you, if someone is telling you something, it is important to them. Make a conscious decision to do something kind for someone this season, and beyond. Maybe you want to donate to a food bank, or buy clothing or toys for a family who is less fortunate. I don’t necessarily mean something that involves money, just do something. Volunteer your time to a cause. Open a door for someone. Make eye contact and smile at a stranger. When you ask someone how they are, listen for their reply. Just be generous in your actions. Look for the good in everyone, instead of judging them. Paying it forward shouldn’t only be reciprocal of someone doing something for you first. Take the lead. You may not think that something so small could have an enormous impact on someone else. Likely, you are inspiring someone else to be kind as well. Someone is always watching…especially our children.

Josh Steely – You are a good man.

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. ~Leo Buscaglia

Crazy Toddler is Crazy

She’s two. She’s hilarious. She’s crazy. She’s mine and she completed our family with the last piece of the puzzle. We adore her.

So Proud

Yesterday I took my 4-year-old to see my friend/hair stylist, Wendy. Emmerson was pretty excited.  This is how things started:

Then, Wendy did this:

Then we took pictures with Wendy:

Then my little girl looked WAY older, and has a 9 inch pony tail that is so excited to donate to the cancer clinic next week 🙂 She has asked me no less than 10 times when we will bring it to a little girl who needs hair. So proud!

StopItStop

Mommy Wars, have you heard of them?  You may hear Mommy Wars used to describe all kinds of parenting issues.  From Stay at Home Moms vs. Working Moms to breastfeeding mothers vs. formula feeding mothers. Cloth diapering mothers vs. disposable diapering mothers. Homeschooling moms vs. traditional school moms. Mainstream moms vs. natural  or ‘crunchy’ moms.

Mommy Wars pretty much covers  any parenting decision you a woman makes. Whatever the hot-button issue is at the moment, Mommy Wars can be conveniently adapted to pit one family’s choices over another’s. In the end, this fuels the controversy that one type of parent is superior over another.

I am a Work At Home Mom of 3, and am mildly ‘crunchy’.  I am a labour Doula so I am taught (and whole heartedly believe) that ‘informed choice’ is what all families have a right to.  It sounds simple enough, and I really and truly believe that is how parenting should be based, on informed choice.

I am a home birthing, breastfeeding, disposable diapering, delayed vaccinating mama who respects other’s choices to do what they want.  My choices are no one’s but my own.  I do not expect anyone to give birth at home, however, I do expect people to respect my choice to do so, and realize that I am educated about the choices I made.  I breastfed.  Yippee, so have hundreds of thousands of women before me.  Do I think I am superior to formula feeding mothers?  Absolutely not.  I was bottle fed and I am pretty fricken smart.  I have friends and clients who want no part of breastfeeding, and I support them just as I support a friend or client who breastfeeds.  It is their choice, to do what they want with their bodies, and their children.  If these children are being loved, nurtured, and having all their basic needs met, then please, leave them to feed their babies how they choose.  I don’t cloth diaper.  Please revoke my crunchy card now.  It is something that was not an option for our family.  Not yours, ours.  I choose to delay vaccinations.  MY choice.  I don’t care when or how you choose to (or not to vaccinate your baby).  Your baby is not mine.  This list goes on, and on, and on.

 

This morning I was livid to see one mom, criticizing another mom, on Facebook for using her iPod while she was up nursing her 4 month old baby in the night.  I snapped.  The conversation went something like this:

Friend’s Status: How did parents ever survive sleepless nights without iPhones/iPods?

Facebook Friend’s Reply: (OMG! Gasp! Goodness me!)  Here is what I think.  I think it is wrong to make yourself and the baby completely awake by using an electronic device AND you are putting your baby at risk by using it in close proximity to him.  (I am exaggerating the part about the gasping etc.  This is the Cole’s Notes version of it, she has since deleted her response)

She then proceeded to attach an article (not a scholarly journal I might add)

Then, I responded:  Well, here is what I think. I think that mothers should support mothers instead of judging and criticizing their choices or ‘calling them out’ publicly. How about we try to build each other up instead of tearing others down and trying to act like we are superior beings? The problem I find with many ‘crunchy’ moms, is that while they are all about informed choice and supposedly supporting women, they are quicker to judge and more harsh than a non crunchy mom. (PS: I fall into the crunchy category)   If in fact there is any relevance to it being dangerous to use an iPod in close proximity to a child, I would think that rather than setting out to publicly humiliate this mother, or anyone else, in a public forum, perhaps a private message would be more appropriate? Either way, the judging of other mothers has to STOP! We are all doing our best here! I am pretty sure that CAS would not remove your children from the home for your use of electronic devices.   No worries, Friend…I am sure Baby will not grow a second head or magically lose his foreskin. (Oh, wait, circumcision…another can of worms?)

Was I being a bitch?  Probably (yes), however I keep wondering when it will stop.  When will we look for the good  in what other mothers are doing, rather than picking on them whatever chance we get?  Stop asking me about percentiles and milestones and ask how we are doing!  I am so lucky to be surrounded by such a diverse group of friends, some mothers, some not, who accept my choices and know that I respect theirs.

Parenting is hard enough, people…how about we offer a hand or support rather than opinions and criticism?